Turmoil
by TheUn-POP-ableBubble
Summary: Sasuke has many ghosts that haunt him but none so painful as love. Especially when it's paired with self-loathing. How do you begin to heal from a scar keeps reopening your heart?


**Author's Note: **This is an idea that's been running around in my head for days now. It was inspired by a SasukexItachi brotherly AMV afterwhich I cried (not an unusual occurence when I'm confronted with the Uchiha brothers. It's just so sad! T-T). I seriously wrote this whole thing in the span of a couple hours so I'm not so confident in its quality but I kinda don't want to fiddle with it anymore since I should be concentrating on my multi-chap stories.

One thing to any of you who review: can I ask if you think the dialogue is poorly written? Cuz throughout this and other works of mine, I've felt that I write well when I'm writing action or description but it weakens when I mix in conversation. Am I right, am I wrong, do I have it backwards? Let me know, please! Also I tried to experiment with different tenses (past, present, future). Let me know if I messed up and if it worked for you or not!

Warning: Major OOC is present here but that's just me trying to squeeze some SasuSaku romance in there. My bad.

**Disclaimer:** The world of Naruto and it's respective characters are so not owned by me.

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><p><strong>Turmoil<strong>

It was dark inside his house.

That was always what Sakura noticed first, whenever she visited. And for some reason, it surprised her that his household could create so many shadows. Sometimes, when she found him sleeping, she would open windows and doorways – just to let in a little more light – but the shadows never dissipated. The light that managed to find its way through only succeeded in chasing the shadows into hard-to-reach corners, gathering and grouping them to become an even darker, more concentrated force than before.

She hurriedly closed everything she opened whenever she realized this.

Most days, however, he was not asleep when she arrived. Rather, he was merely sitting up in bed with his spine relaxed and his eyes resting. She'd feel his chakra roaming the room around him, feel it shift when it ran into her and alert him to her presence. Of course, he would have sensed her far before this.

"Morning," she'd softly call, still across the room, still across the doorway. Since he'd come back she'd never dared to interrupt his privacy without his permission.

He'd only open his eyes in response but it would be all the encouragement she'd ever need.

Her lips would rise in a barely-there-smile as she entered the room, turning to shut the door behind her. She didn't want the shadows to be condensing in here. Twirling brightly, Sakura would pad to his bedside and remove items from the woven basket on her arm: a plate, a knife, a tomato. She'd begin speaking about mundane things while she went about carving his favourite fruit, unaware – or perhaps, uncaring – that he was not exactly listening to her. But despite his inattention, he'd accept food when she offered it and would swallow if it was ripe enough. And she'd smile, knowing that he was deeply involved with his own thoughts; thoughts which did not include her but did not mean she never crossed his mind. When several minutes would pass without an offer of tomato, he'd shoot her a sideways glance that was both startled and puzzled; his train of thought momentarily broken. Normally she had run out of fruit and would smile at him apologetically, allowing him to return to his thoughts while she cleaned up and proceeded to leave. But sometimes she held out on purpose just to tease him. The long blink and sigh that he would give her then – to suppress a small sort of annoyance – always made her heart glow, for it was more than she had ever received from him when they were twelve. It also meant that he was healing.

Healing from whatever scars marred his heart so cruelly and thoroughly. Meant he was overcoming his inner demons and beating down his fears and insecurities. He was _healing_. With her help and with Naruto's, who visited Sasuke on his own time through mutual agreement that private time with the Uchiha was what they all needed. That was what she believed. That was what spurred her to continue visiting him.

One day, however, she learned differently.

She wasn't sure what had caused his actions to change so suddenly but he did not open his eyes to her greeting (though he had nodded at her to enter) and he did not receive the slice of tomato she held towards him. Sakura frowned and tried to push aside the sting of rejection in her heart; Sasuke had obviously come to an important idea from his thoughts. His chakra was humming more quickly through the air, his breathing was slightly heavy and his forehead wrinkled in concentration.

Or pain.

Suddenly she couldn't stand to be there. He was hurt and she wasn't helping and the shadows were more suffocating than before! "Sakura."

Everything about her – her breathing, her heart rate, her heart_ache_ – froze. "Sakura," he repeated, voice raspy as if it were ground up gravel. She risked a look at him; his eyes were still closed but his breathing was steadily becoming heavier.

"Sasuke?" Her reply was timid, nervous. She was frightened of what he wanted from her.

"Why do you love me?" She was right to be scared. When she didn't reply fast enough he asked again, "Sakura, _why _do you love me so much?" She could only foolishly gape her mouth at his tense figure, her mind and heart at a loss for words. This did not deter him. "_Why?_ Tell me _why_, Sakura."

"I…"

"_Why,_" he hissed, angry now not just hurt, "why does _everyone fucking love me?_" Sakura gasped, appalled. She had been wrong. He hadn't been healing – not at all. He had been _suffering right in front of her_. And she had done _nothing_.

"Sasuke," she tried, hoping to appease his temper but he was too far gone. He began to yell.

"_Why? _What is _so great _about _me, _Sakura? What makes _me _so goddamn special?"

"You-"

"What makes meworthy of Itachi's love?" He opened his eyes to show her his brother's eyes – the Sharingan of betrayed brotherhood burning dangerously within them. "Why was_ I_ the one who was always in the forefront of his mind? Why did _he _have to suffer _so badly _just for _loving me? _Why did he let me _kill _him? Why couldn't hekill _me _that night_?_" She unintentionally cried out, the thought of Sasuke's death enough to send her into raw, animalistic panic.

"Don't say that!" He didn't listen.

"What makes me deserving of Naruto's love? Why did he put in so much _energy _and _time_ into training for me? Why the hell did he go so far? Why doesn't he _hate me?_"

"Because he-"

"Why don't _you _hate me?" Sakura flinched as his rage pinpointed onto her. "Why are you _here_, Sakura? Why do you always come here? Why don't any of you ever go away? _TELL ME WHY!_"

Sakura only sat silently, her eyes wide and her breathing approaching near hyperventilation. She couldn't tell him why. She didn't _know_. The unconscious shaking of her head inadvertently calmed Sasuke's rage, her misty eyes revealing her mind to him. But with the absence of anger the pain returned – made all the worse by regret – and Sasuke turned his body away from hers in shame and in dismissal. She shouldn't be there for his pain to attack her. He knew he'd just broken her again and despite his words and actions he had never once prided himself on breaking anyone apart. Not Naruto, not Sakura, not Karin, not Itachi… even his battle with Danzo made him sick when he thought long enough about it.

Sakura was still behind him, she hadn't moved. Hell, he'd swear she hadn't _breathed_. At her incapability to remove herself, he felt his anger begin to simmer. But he had already broken her with his last outburst; he had no desire to do so a second time.

"Leave, Sakura. Get out-" The startling collision to his back choked off the order he had been issuing. Her arms wrapped tightly around his own, restricting any movement and throwing off his balance.

"No." Her blatant refusal tipped him even more off balance. It also spiked his anger to begin boiling. If she didn't leave right now he'd break her again and he was tired of always breaking whosever heart he was given.

"Sakura-"

"I said no." Her statement was firm, her voice barely wavering from the ache in her chest. She would _not_ stand idly by this time and _watch _while he hurt.

"And I said-" his words choked to a stop for a second time when he looked over his shoulder at her. She was crying, just like she had been in the Forest of Death. The similarity of the situation cooled his anger, just as it had then, and he couldn't help but wonder why he always stilled when faced with her tears.

Relieved that his anger had waned, Sakura breathed a shaky sob and buried her face in his hair to continue her crying. For several minutes they stayed like that. His body seated comfortably while his neck remained twisted to watch her breathing calm; her body on its knees as it clung to him while her lungs breathed in his smoky fragrance.

"Because you loved us first," he jumped when she spoke, her words shattering the deafening silence and her breath tickling his neck. "At least, I think that's why. You probably don't remember – it was before the massacre – but during our first day of the Academy, Ami picked on me for my forehead and I cried. I saw you put a bug in her bento box a few minutes later. And then-"

"I smiled at you," Sasuke offered, beginning to remember the exact day she was talking about. "And told you that my mother said I had a big stomach."

Sakura nodded, tightening her embrace ever so slightly, overjoyed that he remembered such a trivial thing. "You said it was okay to have big things and that my mom probably loved me for having a big forehead." Sasuke snorted, as if he believed that bit to be made-up. "You did! And you shared your bento box with Naruto when he lost his in the river the very next week – during the rope walking exercise, do you remember?"

Sasuke huffed, "I remember the dobe falling and whining like a drenched cat."

"But you shared your lunch with him anyway, because no one else would."

A piece of time fell between them; time in which Sakura adjusted her position so her head rested beside his and her arms loosely fell over his shoulders, gifting his arms the freedom of mobilization. Sasuke made one hand rise to grasp her arm, silently seeking support. She kissed his cheek, daring since he wasn't so jumpy about touch right now.

"What about Itachi?"

Sakura hummed and nuzzled her nose into his neck, searching carefully for the right words to say. "When I think about it, Itachi was always seen as a prodigy wasn't he? He was labelled a genius ninja as soon as he could walk and that's all people ever saw in him – that's all they expected. But you," she paused, cuddling into him a little more as if to remind the last remaining Uchiha that he was very much not alone. "You saw him for your older brother. You were the first to see him as human."

"I didn't though," Sasuke confessed, guilt in his words, "I saw him as the greatest ninja in the world. I never believed there was anyone more powerful than Itachi. He was the hero of my childhood – not the Yondaime."

"Why wouldn't he have been? He was your brother. And you loved him. Do you think you didn't? Do you believe for even one moment that you wouldn't have loved him if he were the lousiest ninja in the villiage? If he had been crippled or blind? Did you ever stop loving him; even when he wasn't home, even when he was rouge, even when you fought him?"

Sasuke's silence was all the answer she needed.

"How could we not love you, Sasuke?"

The cry from him startled her. But as he bravely fought down tears and more cries, she quickly relaxed and patiently comforted him as best she could. _Now_ he was healing, she dared to wager. Now he might finally be beating back the hurt. They both might be.

The next time she'd visit he'd surprise her by requesting Naruto's presence as well as her own. When she'd return with the blonde in tow, they'd find him reverently cooling his closed eyes with a damp cloth.

Sakura would wonder why he'd ever puzzled over how his precious people could love him.


End file.
